HELP! my daughter is failing all of her classes. she has no drive or motivation. what can i do to help her?

First, be encouraged you are being a good parent. But there could be a multitude of reasons for your daughters behavior. There are a number of questions that need to be answered in order to provide an effective answer to your question. Such as: What is the age of your daughter? What are the ages of other siblings in the household? What type of relationship does she have with you and/or her father? Are you a single parent? What has been her past history with her school work/attendance? What kind of friends does she have? Any suspicions if she uses drugs? Is your daughter eating healthy? Does she sleep well at night? Does she have anyone she feels she can talk to? Are there any medical issues that may be influencing her behavior?

I’m sorry for all the questions, but you need a specific answer and you may not get it on the net. If you’re not satisfied with the answers see a Dr.

A lot depends on how old your child is and what level of school she is in.

First meet with the teacher/s and find out where the largest problems lie. Missed assignments, comprehension, fidgeting?????

Then request that she be tested (fully not “screening”) for learning disabilites.

Do not allow the school to put you off by saying she will be prescreened or screened. That is nothing but a teacher doing a check list. Real testing is an actual process that generally takes a couple of days.

If all of this shows that she is where she should be, then look into tutoring/mentoring. Oftentimes a student will fall behind because they just can’t get it as fast as the schools throw it on them or because the classroom atmosphere is not conducive to learning.

BTW–despite the fact that classes are far to over-populated and that discipline in the classroom is next to impossible to maintain, every schoool and most teachers will swear that the classroom is a model of peace and learning. Don’t believe it for a second!

I always tell parents that there are two major approaches they can take to this problem, the scare them straight approach, and the inspire them approach.

For example, you can take your child to Wal-Mart and let them get a good look at their future. Then sit down and compare your family finances with those of a typical Wal-Mart employee (or similar retail employee’s hourly rate). Then go over some typical monthly expenses (car payments, rent, food, etc.). Add these up and subtract them from their expected salary, and you’ll usually get their attention.

With all due respect, one problem typical of college students today is that they have no idea what it takes to make a living. This generation (more so than previous ones) seems to believe that they’re simply entitled to high pay, a nice home, and the things that their parents have provided for them over the past 20 years or so. I’m not in the business of speculating about why that is, but sharing financial info with the kids isn’t going to hurt.

The second approach is to really inspire them. Honestly, you may know your child better than she knows herself in some ways. So use this. If you think your daughter really wants to be a psychiatrist, then get on the phone and get her a meeting with a volunteer coordinator at the hospital who can put her on the right volunteer shift. Or if she wants to be an accountant, get her a tour of the office of one of the big accounting businesses nearby.

A lot of times in college, kids lose sight of their goals. It’s often for no particular reason, but sometimes it’s because they don’t see the connection between their current classes and their goals. In either case, reminding them of their goals is often all it takes.

Good luck with it! In the end, I like the second approach better as it builds a better dialog between parent and child, one that you can build on as other difficulties arise. The “scared straight” approach often doesn’t allow that sort of relationship to build as it’s far more critical.

There is an underlying problem here and this is a symptom of it. Sure she cares and “tries” but from her view point it’s “what’s the point?”

Have you ever heard her say “school is boring?” Yeah, I know, what school kid hasn’t? Most do, but they go on and make passing grades. If your daughter says she is bored, have her tested to determine her IQ level, she may be truly bored from lack of stimulation.

There could be a medical reason that isn’t apparent. Or there may be something going on in her world that she can’t deal with properly, pressure from the boys to “be friendly” perhaps.

This is something that will not be solved with punishments, yelling, pleadings or 2 minute cures found in the daily gossip magazine. Seek out help for her. There are many caring people out there just waiting to help.

There must be a reason for her lack of drive…perhaps it’s time to get her a physical and see if she is lacking in vitamins or has some other underlying problem. Good news is that you are right on top of this and you are seeing that there is a problem.

Take away her Mary Jane