Can you come up with a good story for these titles?

Dodge City, Kansas

Circa 1876

Miss Kitty was drinking like an Irish sailor on a two day holiday in Dublin!! Her mood swings were alarmingly diverse. One minute she was singing:

” I’m the (1) Lady in Red and I want Matt in my bed. He’s a rubber duckie babydoll of manhood.♫”

The next minute she’d be moaning through her tears:

“(7) Daddy Usta say that I was (6) Born to Lose.

Oh, Daddy never really understood me.

He put me on a raft in the (4) River of No Return.

Yeah, daddy was a dirty rotten S ….. O …. B .”

Kitty could not come to terms with the break-up of her relationship with U.S.Marshal Matt Dillon. She also could not for the LIFE of her understand what Matt saw in Sunshine MacGillicutty.

“She’s nothing more than a nymphomaniac from Virginia. The woman spends more time in the sack……….

or WHEREVER………. the tramp!……. Than anyone I ‘ve ever met!”

She paused…… “Well, that may account for his attraction…. I forgot that…..Hmmmmm”

Kitty kept on drinking steadily.

One of Kitty’s regular customers, Eddy BulgeEye Furlow, EB for short, summoned Doc Adams.

EB had a condition that made it impossible for him to look at someone when he was talking:

“Uhhh, that you, Doc? Miss Kitty is drinking so much, she got thrown out of her own bar. I think you need to check this out.”

Doc went over to the Long Branch and found Kitty in the alley:

Doc:” Come, my dear friend. Come with me. You can’t stay here.” Doc helped her up to her room. She reached for a half drunk bottle of Rotgut……. “No,no, no. You can’t drink anymore, Kitty.”

Kitty: “Man! I can’t do ANYTHING. You won’t let me drink in tha alley, I can’t drink in my room. Next you’ll tell me …..’Kitty!

(2) You can’t Rollerskate in a Buffalo Herd.’

“*Hic*,*belch*,*snort.* ”

Doc shook his head and decided to let the statement stand.

As Doc looked around for a towel to clean her up, Kitty grabbed the bottle she had stashed under her pillow.

She took a long gulp…..”Doc? *hic* (3) Everything is Beautiful

once I get a hold of my good old Randy Scouse Git Rotgut. HE will never let me down. HE won’t leave me for some numbskull from Virginia. HE won’t break….my…..heart.”

She fell across her bed.I (5)gotta have my baby back. I just GOTTA.”

Okay, my friend, but this is gonna be pathetic!

My daddy used to say, “no daughter of mine is gonna be a LADY IN RED!” But Mamma used to say:”EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL IN ITS OWN WAY, let her wear the red dress, Pa! She’s nearly growed up!” But Pa said, “GOTTA HAVE MY BABY BACK! and there will be no wearin’ of the red dress!” I cried A RIVER OF NO RETURN because I WAS BORN TO LOSE cuz now I CAN’T ROLLERSKATE IN A BUFFALO HERD. Because everyone knows that red dresses are when you wear when rollerskating with that crowd!

For #6: A man loses at every sport he ever attempts. He has terrible self-esteem and thinks that he is “born to lose.” By a fluke, though, he ends up playing golf, where he thinks the goal is to get the highest score possible. He does exceptionally well, but agents decide to not let him in on his success lest he lose his gift. He enters a tournament, and everyone wonders how long he can go without finding out that he’s really winning.