what do u think about this article i wrote?
Eights say “good bye” to there elementary school after the graduation and soon look forward to saying “hi” to high school. But are they really ready to step into a whole new life?
On July 26th at 7pm was when that was “it” for the Bernard eights. They had to go up the stage and get the certificate they were waiting for since grade 1. But as soon as the moment was there all of a sudden a lot of grade eights did not want to graduate. Was it because they were going to not see a lot if there friends? And that they will have to make new friends? Or was it because of the change it will be, academicly? The graduation had been a normal grad,
Although a lot og the graduates did not like it at all.
A girl had said that here friends and her had agreeded that the graduation was not exactly what they had imagened it to be. Another student had said
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“Their” means something that belongs to them, ‘there’ refers to location; her instead of here.
Also, I like your choice of “voice” using “Eights say….”, but if you are going to use a slang term, then it is very important that the next time you describe the group, you use the proper term (i.e. eighth graders, or eighth grade students) so that your teacher will know that you know the proper terminology, and so that the rest of us can understand what you mean without having to guess based on the context.
The first sentence of the second paragraph can be reworded to make it an ‘active’ sentence rather than a ‘passive’ sentence (and still keep the ‘your voice’ “it”). For example, “The ‘it’ that Bernard eight graders waited for, graduation, happened…”
And I think that I would reword the last sentence of that paragraph as well…. “The graduation was normal, although….” [You could even visit an online thesaurus that might have a word that more accurately describes what you mean, but “normal” is ok, too.]
The structure of your paper looks fine. It’s orderly and gets the important points across. Grammar and spelling are the main weaknesses.
By the way, if you want to read a book about grammar that is actually FUN to read, I would highly recommend Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation by Lynne Truss. It’s hysterical (ok, maybe not hysterical, but quite entertaining).
Eights say good-bye to their elementary school after graduation and look forward to saying “hi” to high school. But are they ready to step into a whole new life?
The changing moment arrived for the Bernard Eights on July 26th at 7pm. That is when they went to the stage to receive the certificate they had been waiting for since grade 1. But many grade eights did not want to graduate. Was it because they would no longer see a lot of their friends? Was it because they would have to make new friends? Or was it because of the changes it would mean academically?
The graduation had been a normal ceremony, but a lot of the graduates did not like it at all. One girl had said that she and her friends had agreed that the graduation was not exactly what they had imagined it to be. Another student had said
P.S. The article was too long, only up through “another student had said” was posted.
put a comma before “and soon”
Either take out “On” before July or rewrite, maybe as “it was all over for the …”
go up ON the stage
they HAD BEEN waiting for since grade ONE
moment ARRIVED, SUDDENLY a lot
they WERE NOT GOING TO SEE a lot of THEIR friends?
(although I would write “each one would be leaving a lot of friends behind”.
Or was it because they were UNCERTAIN ABOUT THE ACADEMIC CHANGES. (If you are going to leave it as you’ve written it, use “academically.”
had been THE USUAL CEREMONY, BUT a lot OF
that SHE AND HER FRIENDS had AGREED
It’s incomplete.
