Please write a story. . .?

Cracklin’ Rosie and Sweet Caroline were standing on the corner straight across from the Juicy Fruit Pub, a gay bar on the corner of 39th and Broadway. It was a warm night and business was slow.

A tall gorgeous stud in a black cowboy hat passed and Rosie gave him her best come hither look.

“Hey sugar, how’d you like to rock my blues away?”

He tipped his hat and raised his elegant eyebrows, giving her a small smile as he walked past, crossing the street, and disappearing into the bar.

Caroline laughed out loud. “You sure know how to pick em Rosie girl”

As the two beauties were discussing their losses a limo slowed to a stop. “Lovely night, isn’t it,gals ? We’re in NY attending a convention and are looking for two fine ladies like yourselves to show us the town”

Rosie leaned down to get a better look at them while at the same time giving them a better view of her twin peaks!

They seemed sufficiently impressed and since they DID look like ‘gentlemen’ the two ‘ladies’ got in!!

The two fellows were businessmen from Kansas attending the cattleman’s convention at Madison Square Garden.

Brian Adams, the “Pork King Of Kansas” and Bill Murray, president of the Kansas Cattleman’s Association.

The ladies showed them the best nightlife NYC had to offer and they finally wound up back at the penthouse suite of adjoining rooms that the two high rollers had booked at the Helmsly Palace Hotel.

Caroline walked in first and was in awe of the the lushly appointed rooms.

There was a fully stocked bar and a large selection of cd’s.

Rosie selected her favorite, Neil Diamond, and began to dance gaily around the room. The “Pork King Of Kansas” (all 5 foot 3 iches of him!) seemed to be a bit nervous. Rosie cornered him in the kitchenette, “Hello little boy” she whispered in his ear. “Would you like to find out why they call me ‘Cracklin Rosie’ now? She took his trembling hand and the two disappeared into one of the bedrooms.

Meanwhile Caroline was trying to think of a way to loosen up Bill Murray but so far nothing had worked! He seemed so stuffy!!

“Damn”, she thought, “with a name like Bill Murray you’d think he might at least have a sense of humour!!” She laughed to herself!

“I got my mo-jo working but it just won’t work on you”

She decided to try a new ploy.

“Bill, honey, why don’t you tell me all about what you do back in Kansas”. His eyes lit up. A half hour later her eyes were glazed over as she continued to listen and listen and listen…..

Finally she could take no more!!

“Why don’t you just haul off and love me already!!!!” she blurted out. By that time Bill was relaxed and more than ready.

Caroline’s mo-jo worked like a charm and Rosie was indeed “cracklin'”!!!!

The kansas boys were alrady planning their next trip to the Big Apple on their way to the airport that morning!!!!

Hello Little Boy Why Don’t You Haul Off and Love Me Rock My Blues Away I Got My Mo-Jo Working (But it Just Won’t Work on You) Without Juicy Fruit. LOL

Dodge City, Kansas

Circa 1876

Kitty Russell walked slowly down the stairs to the saloon. As owner and manager of the Long Branch, she was in no hurry.

All at once she spied Matt sitting at a corner table. Her former boyfriend was still the apple of her eye, the moon up in her sky, the reason she still gave a hot damn about anything. True, he had left her for Sunshine MacGillicutty. True, Matt was living with her. But here’s the deal. Kitty had loved U.S.Marshal Matt Dillon for 20 years. He may have altered his affections……she had not. She tried to act calm as she walked over to his table

Kitty:”Hello, cowboy. Mind if I join you?”

Ever the gentleman, Matt pulled the chair out for her.

Matt:”Hello, Kitty. Sorry…My hands are a bit sticky. I was eating some of this (1) Juicy Fruit. Want some?” He handed her some raspberries.

Kitty tried a few….”Mmmmmmm. Good. Thankyou.”

Matt:”Compliments of Sunshine. She just picked them this morning.”

Kitty was tempted to spit it out!! She refrained……”Yes. She’s quite the little farmer. Most Virginians are only good for two things: Rebel yells and dirt farming!”

Matt grunted and started to get up.

Kitty:”Don’t go, Matt.” She patted his hand. Her fingers lingered ………”Matt?” A coy smile replaced her jealous sneer.

” I’ve been feeling a little down, lately.” She stroked one of his fingers.”Wanna join me upstairs and (3) Rock My Blues Away…. As only YOU can?”

Matt:”Kitty, now you know perfectly well….” she interrupted.

Kitty:” I only know this, Matt Dillon! I love you! I’ve ALWAYS loved you! (5) Why Don’t You Haul Off and Love Me?!”

Kitty watched as he got up and left…….I (2) Got My Mo-Jo Working, But it Just Won’t Work on You.”

She went over to the window and watched as Matt started towards his office. Then she saw what she hated most……. Sunshine MacGillicutty riding into town…….”Oh, that wretched idiot !!” She watched as Matt’s face lit up. She cringed as Sunshine flew into his arms.

There stood U.S.Marshal Matt Dillon,HER Matt Dillon, in the middle of Front Street, hugging and laughing with that miserable man stealer.

Sunshine:”Well (4) Hello Little Boy. Wanna come home for a some afternoon delight?”

Matt jumped on his horse as the two of them sped out of town.

Kitty swallowed a little vomit as she started plotting another of her hairbrain schemes to get Matt back in her arms …….. “As always, I will fight dirty, and do whatever it takes to knock that girl out of this town……………….

As God is MY WITNESS !!!”

As she headed behind the bar to get out another bottle of Randy Scouse Git Rotgut, she let out her famous battlecry:

Muawwwwwwwwwwwwww!!”

O.K., done…!

…now about my fee (and don’t forget the movie rights)!

Elijah didn’t take his eyes off of her even for a second as he leaned back and popped another wad of (1)Juicy Fruit into his mouth.

Anastacia was going through the warm-up exercices along with about 50 people in her age group that were about to fling themselves into the cold ocean water in the morning and haul butt to finish the first discipline of the triathlon. Hundreds of others in different divisions were waiting on the other side of the beach, nervous and excited for their turn to hear the shot of the starting gun and start swimming away.

Elijah loved these local triathlons. Though he wasn’t much of a sportsperson himself, these events were such fun to watch with so much camaraderie, not to mention the beer fest at the end of each race, right next to the peanut butter and jelly station, he wouldn’t miss any of them for the world.

Anastacia, noticing his insistent stare, took a break from rolling her arms like a windmill in her routine to get ready for the quarter mile swim, sauntered his way and chirped, “(4)Hello little boy, what’s the matter, water’s too cold for you? You’ve been watching these races for months now, why don’t you sign yourself up for one? It doesn’t matter if you don’t win the race, they are all for good causes”.

Elijah, taking in her toned body in her lime-green one piece swimsuit, the goggles hanging on her neck, her race number written with water-proof markers on her arms and legs, and smiled widely; “Babe, you got your mo-jo working, haven’t you?”

Anastacia, realizing any attempt in trying to get him enthused about participating in this sport rather than watching it was in vain, shrugged, “(2)Got my mo-jo working(but it just won’t work on you), but hey, you know what, at least you are here, and supporting the cause of raising awareness for global warming, that’s something”.

Elijah kept staring up and down her transfixed. The fact that in her excitement and giddiness for doing another race, she wasn’t even remotely aware of the effect she had on her- or on the rest of the male population on this side of the beach, sitting in their foldable chairs and watching, ready to cheer on the first ones that come out of the water running to the transition area to throw on a helmet and jump on the bike and start paddling like there is no tomorrow, was even a bigger turn on. Her cheeks were flushed pink in excitement, her muscles taut and she had a killer swimmers body, long and lean without any bulk, ready to slyther its way through the ocean water and around the buoys planted by the lifeguards and race officials.

He sighed before asking, “Baby, (5)why don’t you haul off and love me? Your energy mixed with my passion, we could melt half the planet away”.

Anastacia laughed, “That would be unfortunate, given the fact that this whole event is organized to help prevent global warming”. Then she looked at her water-proof Iron-man watch and declared that it’s time for her to join her “wave” of racers.

“I’ll cheer my lungs out for you, babe!”, Elijah called behind her. Then he turned to his buddy Tim sitting in another chair on his right, and announced, “I’m telling you, every single freaking time I lay my eyes on that girl, regardless of what kind of activity she’s submerged herself in, at that given time, she will just (3)rock my blues away”.

Tim snickered, “Then instead of chasing her around like a groupie, you should buy her flowers and then tell her what you really feel about her, or you will face the danger of having her regard you as a big-brother figure. Then it will be too late”. As a respond to Elijah’s raised eye-brows Tim affirmed; “Flowers mate, girls like our little Anastacia here, love flowers, you wanna win her over, find out her favorite type of flowers and get her a fresh bunch. I’m telling you, they work like magic”.

Then both of them, along with the rest of the people who came to watch the race went silent for a split second as the start gun went off, then it was the usual blissful chaos of a triathlon with waves of 50 bodies at a time, hauling itself into the water and starting swimming all over eachother in their desperation to make it to the first buoy ahead of the pack.

Elijah smiled and watched proudly as he whispered, “You go my beloved mermaid, you go and splash away, I am getting you flowers this afternoon”.

THE END