I am having trouble with this paragraph, what do you think of it =/ ?

Although each characters in”Girl, 15, Charming but Insane” has different personal qualities, they would all make exceptional friends. Jess, Fred, and Ben share three admirable qualties: caring, niceness, and exuberance. All of which make them, in my opinion, good friends. Flora makes a seemingly amazing friend. Being pretty, rich, fun, and popular are things that many aim for and hope to have in their own friends.

[ this is where i get confused, you say “however” meaning that you do not share the preceding opinion. but then you say that you would be friends with her. but ill go with the idea that you would like to be friends]

(continued) Flora also exhibits intelligence, loyalty, and kidness, which I value in a friendship. Therefore, I am of the belief that Flora and I are combatible and would be good friends.

Most of the characters in “Girl, 15, Charming but Insane” seem like they would make good friends. Jess, Fred, and Ben all seem to hold positive qualities. Flora, in my opinion, would make a very good friend. She is pretty, rich, fun, and popular, which is what many people wish for in a friend. However, I prefer intelligence, loyalty, and kindness in a friendship, and I feel that Flora would be the better friend because she holds all of these traits. I think Flora and I would get along very well because we are so alike.

Perhaps.

Also, overusing the same word in a sentence does not make English teachers happy. “I think”, “I would” is too much.

Impress the teacher by saying the same thing poetically “Flora and I have kindred values” “Kindred we are, Flora and I” or simply say, ” Flora and I would get along easily”.

….

All good English and Literature educators LOVE plays on words.

By using a thesaurus, you avoid hypnotizing the reader with the same words. Sometimes, you can find a synonym that just sounds better poetically or gives better rhythm to the sentence.

(The thesaurus assists you in injecting your own personality and style to the story.)

While still in school, I kept a small tape recorder handy. It seemed to others that I was talking to an imaginary friend but when the wording flashed in my mind, I recorded immediately. I got good grades though.

my best advice would be to leave out the two sentences about the boys. Then you would have a strong paragraph about Flora.

P.S. You sentence structure in awkward in places but you didn’t ask about that. As a teacher I would never allow the use of the word “nice” or let you use “fun” as an adjective!

For the most part, I like it I would just change the second sentence to, “I espcially like Jess, Fred, and Ben!”