** How about an amusing few paragraphs that include these phrases?

(3) She was a long cool woman in a black dress and she was out on the town. A real head turner and I’ll never understand why, she could have had any man in the place and she chose him.

Maybe she had a thing for pocket protectors or the heavy horn rimmed glasses. But there she was, talking to a guy so completely out of place. His white shirt buttoned up to the collar and he was nursing one of those fruity drinks with a huge slice of pineapple and an umbrella.

Annie had a thing for intelligent men. She knew she had found the right guy when he told her that he had a PhD in astrophysics. He asked her if it was getting hot or if it was just him and she told him (1) It ain’t me, babe, it’s you. And with that, he knew he had to take her up to his lair, his den, his observatory.

Annie could hardly believe her luck. She had found the man of her dreams and he had invited her to his observatory. She was beside herself with excitement. She was thinking of getting him alone and seeing his big telescope (4) and we’ll have fun, fun, fun.

When they arrived at the observatory, Annie was amazed at the shear size of his telescope. She had never seen one that big and was in awe. He told her he was going to fire it up for her and to see if (5) Venus and Mars are alright tonight.

As he turned on the telescope, she saw his eyes light up. He looked through it and started describing all of the things he was looking at. He described stars and planets. He told her what the constilations were looking like and how many moons were rotating around each planet. It wasn’t long before she ceased to exsist in his world, He soon forget that she was even there and he stopped talking to her. He was so wrapped up in his own world and there was no place for her.

She paced around the room looking for something to do but could find nothing. She sat down waiting for him to ask if she wanted to look at the stars with him, but that never happened. She tried to talk to him but he was so wrapped up in his own little world, that he never heard her. He was talking to the stars, planets and moons like they were his children.

She sat there rethinking her decision of going there to begin with as his voice broke in to her thoughts. She thought he had said something to her but once again, he was talking to his planets. As she sat there, she thought to herself, (2) I don’t know whether to kill myself or go bowling.

At that point, she decided it was time to go. It had been such a disappointing evening and it was over for her. She tried to tell Mr. PhD that she was leaving but he didn’t respond. She got up and headed for the door but the sound of it opening did not disturb him. She walked through the door and gently closed it behind her as she left.

It took her a while but she found her way home and sat there on the couch with the remote in her hand. As she was thinking about the evening and what had happened, her husband yelled out from the bedroom'” What’s on T.V. tonight honey?”

To which she replied, (6)”Hee Haw and ……… Well, that’s about it.” Then she got up and went to bed.

3. She was a long cool woman in a black dress, with a heart to match. She stood gazing out the window, up at the crystal dark sky, searching the bright heavens.

“Ah, 5. Venus and Mars are alright tonight. This will be the night of my greatest triumph! Tonight, I shall be able to conjure my true love to me, I know it!”

She spun, the black dress swirling about her ankles, and moved to her cauldron. She sprinkled, she stirred, she muttered.

“Yes, yes, my sweet. Tonight I shall conjure you forth. 4. And we’ll have fun,fun, FUN!” she shrieked, tawny head tossed back, curls swirling.

With one final SPLAT of an ingredient, the cauldron burst out in roiling smoke and green-blue flames. An instant later, the smoke formed a solid figure, balanced on the rim of boiling pot. The gentleman glanced down between his feet and gulped!

“Hey, what the HECK is this all about, eh?!”

The woman glanced at him slyly, wickedly, grinning foolishly.

“I have conjured you, my sweet thing. You are to be my one true love, this night and forever more!”

“Well, I don’t know about all that, I say. But one thing I DO know about your one true love, dearie, and that is, 1. It ain’t me, babe!”

Enraged, she spun, grabbed the nearest vessel and flung it at him. Taken unawares, he caught the hurled beaker, falling backwards unto the floor, where it spilled its contents all over him. There was flash — and suddenly a braying jackass stood in his place. Lips curling, head swinging it bellowed: 6. Hee Haw and ………. Well, that’s about it.

* * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The young girl looked at her latest attempt at her English homework assignment and sighed. It just seemed so . . . bad. She sighed again, looking in the mirror. “Geez, 2. I don’t know whether to kill myself or go bowling. Guess I’ll try again tomorrow.”

The diner had always been the gathering place of the odd people of the town that were always hungry for breakfast. No matter what time of the day you could always go to Ed’s Diner, on 23rd, and have your eggs poached, fried, or if you asked really nice poured out ontop of a sausage mountain which represented the eternal sacrifice of ungal,….or tringul…..or something odd. This was often ordered by Ursala the fortune teller who had made Ed’s her social life. Jim and I had been coming here for years, since college. the spot held a place in our hearts, through our stomachs of course. tonight Jim was rather down, and I was doing all I could to regain his spirits. “I don’t know whether to kill myself or go bowling.” He mused. I had been trying to tell him of party we could go to, great music, great food, but he was unmoved from his oblivion, so I suggested that bowling seemed like the safer choice. It was around this time that our long-time waitress appeared. She was a long cool woman in a black dress, with a small silver name tag that read Deb with a small smiley-face next to it. She tried to consol Jim, and all he could do was tell of his latest break-up, really being quite a pitiful sight in his “deep” depression. He reminded us all of the fact that one day he would find the right one. Of course he’d been saying that for years. Deb looked at him in mock stern-ness and quipped “It ain’t me, babe.”

This was the moment that Ursala came to join in the recouping of Jim’s spirits. “Venus and Mars are alright tonight . . . that is aaaallllwaays a good sign!” I knew I couldn’t help Jim out of the next ten minutes of stars and winds, ect. so I exused myself to the facilites, and when i came back Rick the ‘up and coming comedian’ (yeah right) was just wrapping up one of his jokes in his sad efforts of consolation “Hee Haw and ………. Well, that’s about it.” The whole room seemed to burst out in laughter, some for pity, some was honest, and some was the kind you give when you really don’t understand what was funny, and don’t want to mention it. But, as it was the entire populous of the restaurant was gathered around the table in concern for Jim.

The next attempt at solace came from Murphy, one of Ed’s oldest friends, whom I suspect did not have a perfect record if you know what i mean. He had decided that what Jim really needed was to get back at his good-for-nothing ex-girlfriend. His suggestion was somthing like ” Lets light her car on fire, or even better fill her apartment with dead frogs. He then proceeded to give a quick eerie laugh and say ” And we’ll have fun,fun, fun.”

I could tell Jim was becoming increasingly interested in this idea when Ed himself stepped in. “what you need is a good nights sleep, and a little less booze.”

When Ed spoke in the diner, that was almost as good as when God spoke in the bible. So that was exactly what Jim did, and everyone agreed that it was exactly the right Idea. The next time we went to the diner it was to introduce Ed to the ‘right one’ as Jim called her.

A convo with Napoleon Dynamite and Pedro.. oh and Kip

Napoleon:”Dude, I’m so frickin’ bored..”

Pedro:”Me too.” (Kip enters)

Kip: “I don’t know whether to kill myself or go bowling…”

Napoleon:”What happend?”

Kip: (sighs) “LaFawnduh is mad at me…she got me silver chain but I told her..It ain’t me babe, gold is more my style.”

Perdo: (confused…) “Who is that?”

Napoleon: “It’s LA-FAWN……DUHHH!”

Kip”You’re just jealous ’cause I found the girl of my dreams in an online chat room..(turns to Pedro) She was long cool woman in a black dress……But I went online today and Venus and Mars look alright tonight…”

Napoleon:”The only moons you have seen are outside and on your frickin’ baby bankey with Mary and her little lamb!Gosh you baby!”

Kip:”Can you SHUT UP!? I’m trying to rock to my jam.The Beach Boys..”And we’ll all have fun, fun, fun….Fun Fun!”

Pedro:”Where’s your ***?”

Kip:”Ouhh you swore!”

Napoleon:”NO YOU MORON! He means Tina’s boyfriend! Gosh idiot, Where have you been?”

Kip:(Tunes him out)

Napoleon:”She’s outside… let’s go.”

(Pedro and Napoleon walk out)

Napoleon:”There they are…When they have donkeyllamas. I’ll finally be an uncle! *** kicks Kip where it hurts.. It’s soo frickin hilarious!And goes Hee Haw and…Well, that’s about it.”

Pedro:”I have to go now…” (Rides his bike away)

The End.

lol