╟ Here’s one for the EXPERTS…… How about a little story that incorporates these lines?

I was walking along the boardwalk on a moonless, windless night, I was in the mood for a corn dog, but all the vendors had shut down for the night. Coming around a corner I seen lights coming from a booth, in the distance, approaching it I inquired if he was selling anything and he asked, “Me?? You talkin’ to me?” “Yes”, I replied, “I’m rather hungry, could really go for a corn dog. “No”, he answered, “I am selling tickets on a private shuttle to a distant planet…” That’s when I wondered…should I move along?

“One hundred bucks for the pass-card, and, you guessed it, I have exactly ONE more card up my sleeve…Then I’m afraid we’re goners!” “Goners?? I asked. “Yeah”, he said while petting a strange looking dog on his lap…”once I sell this last card, we are off to that distant planet….welcome to Earth, space dude” he said to the dog.

“Uh, are you saying that dog is an alien…uh, dude?” I asked.

Then he stood up, wide-eyed and yelled out “911-911!!” The dog flew off his lap and hovered above my head. That’s when the dog mumbled, “We interrupt this program for a special bulletin: I cannot find a decent fire hydrant on this boardwalk.!!”

I carefully moved out and away from the hovering dog, a bit speechless. That’s when the dog lit up a cigar and said to his companion, “I have a craving for Sushii, I’m off to Tokyo, can I pick up anything for ya pal?” “Yeah, get me a Pachinko machine will ya?” “Will do”, said the dog, and he soared off into space. “Hee Haw and sayonara, faithful companion.” said the guy.

I was a bit stunned as I watched all this, then the guy asked, “Well, how about it, ya want the last card??”

“Uh, can I get a corn dog up there”, I asked.

Buckaroo Banzai rides again!

When last we left our intrepid Dr. Buckaroo Banzai (whose careers include physicist, neurosurgeon, Samurai, rock musician, Jet Car driver and comic book hero), he had just driven his Jet Car through Boot Hill to test the oscillation overthruster. On the way, he picked up a grateful alien hitchhiker.

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Looking in wonder at the 3-eyed marvel, Banzai expostulated: “1. Me?? You TALKIN’ to me?! Wow, I didn’t think you COULD talk! And what a MOUTH. Hey, do you LIVE inside that mountain?”

The pod-like alien laughed (well, we will assume that was what the noise meant). “No, I’ve been stuck underground there for about 1500 years now, every since my space craft crash-landed here after being fired on by the Red Lectroids. They really have it out for me, bad.”

Banzai knew all about the Red Lectroids, his arch enemies, and their plans to rule the Universe. They had already followed him from the 8th dimension once, and were trying to steal his Jet Car.

“Well, 3. Welcome to EArth, space dude.” Banzai slapped the alien on its – um, back.

At that moment, the radio in the Jet Car began blaring. “5. We interrupt this program for a special bulletin: Buckaroo Banzai has sucessfully completed his latest test and . . . “ Suddenly, the broadcast broke off into static, as the phone on the dash jangled loudly.

“4. 911 !! 911 !! This is Reno Nevada calling, Buckaroo. Me and the other Hong Kong Cavaliers are sitting here, back at the take-off point, other side of Boot Hill, and we are UNDER ATTACK by Lord Worfin and the Red Lectroids! HELP!! 2. I have exactly ONE more card up my sleeve…… Then I’m afraid we’re goners! Get BACK here, now!”

Banzai gently and reluctantly pried the alien pod creature off the side of his Jet Car. “Say, buddy, I hope you’ll be safe here. I’ll come back and check you out, if I get out of this next adventure alive. In the meantime, 6. Hee Haw and sayonara , faithful companion.”

The desert sure was hot. I was on the trail of a couple of burglars, who’d decided to high-tail it on foot through the desert. Don’t know if I explained about Rusty Spring New Mexico. Great place, but folks there don’t take kindly to outlander outlaws.

I think I was startin’ to hallucinate from the heat waves and dust devils. I could swear I heard someone calling to me…

“911!! 911!!”

It was coming from behind a boulder. I walked ’round and saw a feral mule.

“Me?? You talkin’ to me?! What would a mule want with a dep’ty?” I asked the mule.

“I’m not actually a mule,” said the mule. “My name is Francis. I’m from outer space. I’m in disguise. I broke my leg, can you help?”

I looked around. We were miles and miles from Roswell, I tell you, although we were in the right state, New Mexico. No wreckage in sight.

“Welcome to Earth, space dude,” I told the mule. I cut a couple of branches from a bush, set the limb, and made an emergency splint for him.

My radio buzzed to life. “We interrupt this program for a special bulletin…” hisssss…. Yup, static. Don’t know why my radio was carrying a program instead of, you know, the dispatcher’s sweet voice. Funny, the dispatcher sounded just like my girlfriend Traci. Looked a lot like her too. Did I mention just about everyone in Rusty Spring was related to everyone else? Did I mention I was in the hot hot desert and hallucinating?

A beam of red light flashed past my chin and hit the rock behind me. BLAAMMM! I was knocked off my feet by the explosion. So was Francis.

“We’re under attack!” said Francis. I was already rolling to cover. So was Francis. I don’t know quite how, since mules aren’t built for rolling, and he was awfully spry for someone with a splinted leg. “I have exactly ONE more card up my sleeve…… Then I’m afraid we’re goners!” said Francis.

A gray-skinned guy stepped out from around a creosote bush. You know what they look like, eyes too big for the head, long arms, long fingers, slender, …

“AWWWWW EEEE AWWWWWW” said Francis. It was horrifyingly loud! The whole desert shook… and the gray guy exploded into smelly meat bits.

“Nice making your acquaintance,” said Francis. “Hee Haw and sayonara, faithful companion.” He wavered, then seemed to blend in with the heat waves and dust devils.

==

Welp, I don’t know how long I was lyin’ there in the desert before the sheriff got up a posse to fetch me out. I tell you, that was the funniest heat hallucination I ever did have. Did I mention the sheriff is Traci’s second cousin once removed?

OK, I’m posting my intent. A story has formed but don’t have the time to do it right now – already been on the ‘puter too long & duty to family calls! Probably get back to it WAYYYY later tonight. Over, Under.

My boyfroend Jim and I were parked at Laurel Creek,or, as it was more commonly known, “Make-out Point”.

We had been together since sixth grade and Jim’s idea of a good time was two bottles of Mad Dog 20/20 and parking at the”point”

We had just finished the first bottle and were getting into some serious groping when we heard this announcement on the car radio:

“We interrupt this program for a special bulletin: Numerous sightings of an unidentified flying object have been reported in the Laurel Area. Please stay indoors untill furthur information becomes available”

I disentagled myself from Jim and sat up straight. “Did you hear that?” I asked. He was in his own little world, as usual.

“Me?? YOu talkin’ to me?” he asked. I explained what I had just heard. Jim thought it was a big joke!!!

“911 !! 911 !!” He yelled in mock horror.

“It’s the aliens from outer space and they’re comin’ to get us”

Right at that moment, I heard a soft thud and a sound like wind. “Did you hear that” I whispered to Jim. “Hear what” he said. “Out there,… I heard a noise”.

Jim laughed. “Oh yea,….. of ALL places for the aliens to land……they picked Laurel Creek,……. you’ve gotta be KIDDING!!!

“Get out there and take a look” I snapped. Jim laughed again.

“Hee Haw and sayonara , my faithful companion, if I don’t return you can finnish the Mad Dog”. He got out to investigate,still laughing.

In a few minutes when he didn’t return, I felt guilty. I grabbed the bottle of Mad Dog, figuring I could use it as a weapon, if need be, and went to see what had happened .

I walked past the grove of tall trees into the clearing and was astounded by the sight before my eyes!!

A giant oval spaceship was hovering a foot above the ground. It was glowing with millions of brilliant multi-colored lights that sparkled brightly. Jim was standing there mesmerized. As soon as I arrived a being emerged from the ship and walked toward us. He was 7 ft tall, pale green with a HUGE cylindrical head and bright turquoise eyes!! Jim was in awe, and more than a little drunk!!.

“Welcome to EArth, space dude” he said, smiling up dopily at the creature.

Blue laser beams shot from his eyes as he turned his turquoise gaze on Jim. He did not look friendly and I was afraid we were done for!!! I whispered to Jim. “I have exactly ONE more card up my sleeve…… Then I’m afraid we’re goners!”Jim nodded dumbly, staring open-mouthed at the creature. (Lot of help HE was!!!)

“Hey, Space Dude, how’d you like to try some of this delicious beverage?” I held up the bottle of Mad Dog 20/20.

“Welcome to Earth, have one on me” I took a long pull on the bottle to show him how to do it and then handed it to him.

At first he just looked at it, but then tipped it back and emptied it in one gulp!! Moments later his eyes began flashing and he started to sway on his feet. He was drunk!!!

He staggered back to the spaceship and Jim and I watched the spacecraft zig-zag in the sky till it was out of sight.

All I could think of was “Thank God for Mad Dog 20/20!!”