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Cindy L

Eng help! can someone proofread this for me? if possible, can anyone write one to show me? tks?

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Smart Kids’ special presentation tonight. My name is Brady. It is such a great honor to see all of you here. We proudly present you a special recital. You are about to see a very special performance that we have practiced for a long time. We took a long time to prepare and perfect this performance. Tonight, you will see our accomplishment with a lot of hard efforts. Unfortunately, I do not know how to play instrument. But I would like to take this challenge to present you a poem; it is called “The Pirate.” Please enjoy.

Top 4 Answers
Andi

Favorite Answer

Your very repetitive, minimize it! The less the better!

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to tonight’s special presentation brought to you by Smart Kids! It is wonderful to see such a great turn out. Tonight’s presentation is very special, and the performers have put a tremendous amount of effort into practices to make this perfect. Tonight’s performance is filled with great accomplishments over challenging obstacles, and although I am not “musically inclined”, I would like to take this opportunity to recite a poem; The Pirate by (author). (Recite poem then say:) Please enjoy the remainder of tonight’s performances.

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Cenobia
You repeat ideas and words too often.

“We proudly present you a special recital. You are about to see a very special performance that we have practiced for a long time. We took a long time to prepare and perfect this performance.”

The middle sentence here should be dumped. You already state that it is special, and that it took a long time in the sentences before and after respectively. Drop it and it will sound much better.

Everything else looks good.

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yancychipper
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. My name is Brady. It is my honor to welcome you to Smart Kids’ special presentation. (they know it is tonight) We proudly present to you a special performance that we have taken a long time to prepare , practice and prefect for you. Tonight you will see the results of our efforts. Now I would like to start the evenings recital by reading a poem by????????, “The Pirate.” Please enjoy your evening.
1

stephanie
I would say take out the negative in it about you not being able to play an instrument. and the say I would like to present you with a poem, called “the Pirate”. then probably explain why you picked it and then You have your concluding statement.
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