Can you use these………..????
1. Six of one, half dozen of the other
2.On hands and knees
3. Gee whillerkins mama
4. Don’t ask, don’t tell
5. We got a ways to go yet
6. Yesterday’s beans and biscuits
7. Whadda ya mean I’m late
Favorite Answer
Circa 1876
Festus Haggen was looking for a way to pick up a little extra cash. When he found out that Delmonico’s was looking for a waiter, he applied for the position.
Mrs. Crocker:”Okay, Festus. We’ll give her a whirl. The pay isn’t so great, but there are side benefits. You’re allowed to eat (6) Yesterday’s beans and biscuits.”
Festus:”Well, maam, I’m jest plum delighted. I’ll do ‘er proud.”
His very first customer was Doc Adams. When Doc looked up from the menu and saw who was waiting to take his order, he was very surprised.
Doc:”Festus! What are you doing here?!”
Festus:”Well, what does it LOOK like I’m a’ doin’?”
Doc:”MMM.MMM.MMM. Never mind….(4) Don’t ask, don’t tell…..
You have OBVIOUSLY frittered away your money on some imbecilic scheme and you’re trying to recoup your losses!”
Festus was astounded at Doc’s ability to figure these things out.
Festus:”Jest give me your order, you old buzzard.”
Doc:” Fine way to speak to a paying customer! I’ll have ….”
Just then Patrick Paternity burst into the restaurant…..”Doc!! Come quick. The baby’s coming!!”
Doc:”In just one minute, Patrick. Festus!! I need some biscuits and sausages to go.”
Festus:”How many, Doc?”
Doc:”I’ll take (1) Six of one, half dozen of the other.”
Festus muttered all the way back to kitchen……..”What in tarnation is he talkin’ about?!”
When Doc got to the Paternity’s home, Paula, Patrick’s wife, was (2)On hands and knees.
Paula:”Doc!! THank goodness you’re here!!”
Patrick:”(3.) Gee whillerkins mama, what you doin’ down there?!”
Paula:”Whatdaya THINK I’m a’ doin’, you jackass?!”
Doc knelt down and helped her to her feet.
Doc:”Let’s get you to bed, my dear. PATRICK!!! Get some hot water and towels!!”
For the rest of the afternoon Paula experienced excruciating labor pains.
Patrick knocked on the bedroom door…..”Doc? Anything?”
Doc:”(5) We got a ways to go yet.”
Hours dragged by. Then at seven o’clock, the baby arrived. After Doc got hold of a neighbor to help with Paula, he took his leave. Doc was exhausted and he was STARVING!!
As he started up the stairs to his office, Festus called after him.
Festus:”Doc?!”
Doc wearily turned around……”Yes.?”
Festus:”Doc you were in such a rush, you forgot your biscuits and sausages.”
Doc grabbed the bag …..You’re LATE!!”
Festus:”(7) Whadda ya mean I’m late?! Well ain’t THAT a fine howdy do. I run out here to give you this food and what do YOU do?! You mumble and grumble……You are the sorriest old scutter I have EVER saw!!”
As Festus was walking away Doc yelled out:”You NUMBSKULL!!! I asked for 6 of one and a half dozen of the other. There’s only FOUR biscuits and TWO sausages!!! Why is THAT?! Can you explain THAT to me!!Well……? CAN YOU??!!’
Festus:”Well golly bill, Doc. I got me a little appetite during the day. It’s not tomorrow yet so I couldn’t get yesterday’s beans .”
Doc just looked at him, shook his head and took a bite of a sausage…….”Boggles the imagination….Just boggles the ENTIRE imagination.”
“here’s lookin at you kid”
on bended knee
