Can you come up with a good………..??????
1. Home on the kitchen range
2. Never ask a firebug for a match
3. How come I gotta go
4. What’s for chow
5. If you only knew
6. In this case, less is more
7. Better call Ghost Busters
Favorite Answer
Circa 1876
U.S.Marshal Matt Dillon was just returning to Dodge after chasing down a gang of desparados known as The Four Merry Makers.
They were bank robbers, to be sure…..Yet they always seemed to leave their victims in a jolly frame of mind.
Festus:”Well gol lee bill, Matthew. You finally roped them in ! ”
Matt:” Yeah.” (He muttered to himself:”(3) How come I gotta go all by myself on these captures? Anyone around here ever hear of a POSSE ?!!”)
Festus looked a bit sheepish……..” Where’d you finally catch up to ’em?”
Matt:” In their (1) home. On the Kichen Range.”
Festus:”You mean that snake infested area just South of Maytag Mountain.”
Matt:”Yup.”
Festus:”Was it as hot out there as it’s been here?”
Matt:” (5) If you only knew! It was hot as blazes, Festus.” He slapped his hat to his britches, to knock off a few firebugs……” I’ll tell you one thing….(2) Never ask a firebug for a match.”
Festus:” Uh huh.” Festus pretended to understand that last comment. “Uh…..Matthew. There’s only three of them. What happened to the fourth?”
Matt:” Had to kill him. Believe me, Festus, (6) In this case, less is more. When I caught up with them , their guns were a blazin’.
http://www.wildestwesterns.com/images/3-Stooges.JPG
Matt ushered the Three Merrymakers into the jail.
He then headed home to Sunshine MacGillicutty’s farm. Sunshine was his girlfriend, having replaced Miss Kitty Russell. He had been away from Sunshine for TOO long. It would be good to hold her again.
As he came through the front door, Sunshine ran into his arms. Well, she TRIED to. He put his hand out to halt her.
Matt:”Baby,….I haven’t had a bath in a week! Let me get cleaned up first!!”
Sunshine, being Sunshine, insisted on a kiss before he disappeared out back for a shower. As he started dropping his clothes, he yelled out,” (4) What’s for chow, sweetie?”
Sunshine was NOT thinking of food….She had missed Matt. She had REALLY missed Matt !! She waded through his dirty clothes and went out back where he was showering. One look at him and she busted a ghost!!
Before Matt knew what had happened, Sunshine had joined him……… The soap started flying !!!!!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sunnyshum/112790557/
“If you only knew” replied his watchful Indian helper. “I am quite at home on the kitchen range!”
“How come I gotta go get the firebugs every time you cook?”
“Well, I need a light and I certainly never ask a firebug for a match!” said old ‘scalper’. “You are the bug-catcher.”
After our range hand had been gone about 15 minutes, he mozied in with about a quart of bugs, glimmering and jiggling in a jar.
“Whatcha got?” yelled the cookcumscalper.
“Your light. You told me you wanted a light.” whined the hand.
“Oh me oh my!” sighed the cook. “Better call Ghost Busters. In this case, less is more!”
Kathleen raised her eyes heavenward and sighed, she was finding it harder and harder to win any argument with him, these days. Especially since he always seemed to be physically fit, no matter howmuch he ate. That gave her an idea, she would invite him to a duel – by the ping-pong table!!!
Once she told him about this, proposing that the winner takes it all- in their case, that would be the one making all the calls and decisions in the rest of the week, he grinned and retorted, “Darling, you should (2)never ask a firebug for a match, I’ll chew you up and spit you right back on that ping-pong table”. Then seing her unwavering expression and the way she kept her chin up in stubborn determination, he added, “Well, fine, I’ll accept the challenge, (4)what’s for chow, then, for the winner?”
Kathleen smiled and held up a list of groceries for him to pick up sothat she could cook some real dinner, instead of having to watch him, shovel all kinds of junk in the guise of snacks down his throat.
When Mark started, whining, “(3)How come I gotta go to the grocery store? (5)If you only knew how excrutiating a task it is for me to schlep the cart around and shop for groceries, in those endless isles, you wouldn’t be sending me there”, Kathleen gave him a seductive smile and told him that she would be showering and changing into different clothes, for their ping-pong game in the basement, while he is picking up the groceries.
As she took her top off and sauntered towards the bathroom, she turned her head to look at him over her shoulder and whispered, “(6)In this case, less is more”.
Mark swallowed, staring behind her wide-eyed, he knew that she would use all her super-natural powers to win the game and rule over him during the rest of the week. “I (7) better call Ghost Busters, then”, he mumbled to himself as he walked into the garage to get into the car and go to the grocery store. She knew with what she would be wearing, winning the game for her in that ping-pong tournament would be like taking candy out of a child’s hand for her, but as clicked on his seatbelt, he was aware of the silly smile that spread across his face from ear to ear. It sure was going to be worth it, after all.
THE END
“One and the same, dear.”, cheerily replied his preoccupied mother as Will came to peer over her shoulder at her latest concoction and dropped a bead of sweat from his chin into the primordial ooze on the stove.
“What is it this time?”, queried Will in resignation now resting his chin affectionately on his mother’s busy shoulder.
“I call it CATmandu Stew.”, proudly announced Mom as she dipped her finger in the bubbling pot for a taste. “H-m-m-m-m?”, she wondered. “Will, would you go get Fluffy and bring her here, please?!”
“How come I gotta go?”, obliviously protested the beat but victorious young man who had crossed the kitchen to take a slouching seat at the table.
“Honey, never ask a firebug for a match. You know you’re the only one fast enough to catch her.”, simply stating the obvious said Mom. “I was only able to get her tail.”
“Well, if you ask me, in this case, less is more.”, opined the reluctant designated hunter still slouching.
“Perhaps you would rather I serve catMANdu Stew, instead?”, offered Mom in a slightly menacing tone. “Now, be a dear, Dear. And, see if you can catch Fluffy for me.”
Will awkwardly pushed himself from the table in unenthusiastic obedience. He crossed to the doorway leading from the kitchen to the living room and rest of the house as he whispered encouragingly, “Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty….”
The young athlete’s last large shoe was seen arching it’s way with him out of the kitchen when a frantic thumping, bumping, thrashing, crashing, clamor arose in the nether regions outside the kitchen. The unseen but not unheard tumultuous goings-on continued only briefly and ended with a final combination, “Fssssst, …MeRoWR! OW!” and a crash of glass. Then, Will emerged through the kitchen door holding a furry snatch of something in a hand marked with fresh scratches and a look of bewildered frustration.
“What was all that commotion about, Darling?”, quizzed the worried mother.
“If you only knew.”, thought Will to himself. “Fluffy got away …THROUGH the living room window.”, he announced glumly with appropriate emphasis of the cat’s damaging means of escape, “This is all I could catch.”
Mom watched her son for a moment. Lifting the pot from the stove, she carried it to the sink and began feeding the pot’s contents down the garbage disposal as she dolefully decided, “I suppose I better call Ghost Busters Pizza.”
no but thanks for the 2 points
